A logical point: Drs. Gordon and Janov

I may have read, a little over four decades ago, that Albert Einstein came to his great discovery, E = MC², by starting with some assumptions about matter and energy then using implacable logic – algebra – to jiggle the three factors. The equation reconfigured with mass and the speed of light on one side and the E of Eureka! on the other. Though my memory could be wrong, I’m satisfied to use this tale to background a (broadly) similar logic:

I believe that most therapists would accept the validity of Dr. Thomas Gordon’s (Parent Effectiveness Training) thesis:

When a person is able to feel and communicate genuine acceptance of another, he possesses a capacity for being a powerful helping agent. His acceptance of the other, as he is, is an important factor in fostering a relationship in which the other person can grow, develop, make constructive changes, learn to solve problems, move in the direction of psychological health, become more productive and creative, and actualize his fullest potential. It is one of those simple but beautiful paradoxes of life: When a person feels that he is truly accepted by another, as he is, then he is freed to move from there and to begin to think about how he wants to change, how he wants to grow, how he can become different, how he might become more of what he is capable of being.

Gordon further makes his point by contrast:

Why is parental acceptance such a significant positive influence on the child? This is not generally understood by parents. Most people have been brought up to believe that if you accept a child he will remain just the way he is; that the best way to help a child become something better in the future is to tell him what you don’t accept about him now.

Therefore, most parents rely heavily on the language of unacceptance in rearing children, believing this is the best way to help them. The soil that most parents provide for their children’s growth is heavy with evaluation, judgment, criticism, preaching, moralizing, admonishing, and commanding – messages that convey unacceptance of the child as he is.*

The “beautiful paradox” he describes exists not in “life” or in human nature but in the irrationality of many parents. Nature knows we must be free and not tied up in pain and self-defending in order to enjoy our energies. It’s only psychologically frozen parents who believe that criticism, force and expropriation are effective ways to motivate children. We want parents to value the personhood of their child; we accept our clients with empathy and without judgment, in order to help them explore themselves and grow.

I believe that if we accept this principle, then we must accept the primacy of deep-feeling, “primal,” historical, emotionally expulsive and explosive therapy. I recently wrote to a former client:

My perspective says that you have to have a sort of feeling epiphany. That means you would evaporate your self-protective armor that we talked about and let all the grief of childhood loneliness and invisibility pour forth.

The enemy of psychological healing is all the straitjackets that keep us locked in our childish or adult persona. This includes self-protective character – “oppositional-defiant” and the personality disorders; the emotional repression that keeps our Self lost and depressed; the intellectualization and “racing thoughts” that keep us in our head. Freedom of the inner self, within the benevolent ground of love and acceptance, is the key that unlocks the straitjackets and allows both painful and healthful energies to be released to their targets, whether these energies are tears and rage, or joy and creativity.

If Dr. Gordon is right, that the child has to be accepted as herself to thrive, then the most radical historical feeling therapies** (rather than cognitive therapies) are right: We must help our client find and express the true self, the core child self, still sitting enclosed, deep inside.

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* Thomas Gordon, PhD, “Nobel Peace Prize Nominee,” Parent Effectiveness Training, Three Rivers Press, New York, 1970, 1975, 2000. These excerpts are at – https://www.naturalchild.org/guest/thomas_gordon3.html.

** Arthur Janov, PhD, The Primal Scream and many other books, including The New Primal Scream, Primal Man, The Feeling Child, Imprints: The Lifelong Effects of the Birth Experience, The Janov Solution, Primal Healing, Beyond Belief, The Biology of Love, Why You Get Sick – How You Get Well: The Healing Power of Feelings. Though Arthur Janov died in 2017, his blog is still accessible: http://cigognenews.blogspot.com/.