I don’t think I’ll
go to work tomorrow. I’ll stay home and talk with a few people about their
problems, try to help them ‘get better then feel better’ (to manipulate Ralph
Klein’s apothegm that Borderlines come to therapy to feel better, not get
better). I suspect that Albert Einstein must have felt good in this mellow kind
of way: He was a scientist in his identity, was a scientist in most settings: at the
patent office, at Princeton, talking a walk, not while playing the violin, scribbling
arcane brilliance on an envelope. I feel like a therapist almost everywhere.
Decades ago I realized that I am thrilled by pandemonium: some crisis involving many
people, a big storm or fire, a cluster-fuck of question marks slamming everybody’s
head, giving a violin-piano recital (Allegheny College, 1973) with a sudden gust of wind blowing the
sheet music about. This coronavirus pandemic gives me a related sensation. We
are all now in a formidable theme, at least for the moment, all eyes looking in the same
direction. Each individual is now important for him- and herself and for
other people. And in this world theme and this double importance, being a
therapist feels warmly grand.
Now, the
question is: Will people want to work with me as a face and voice on a computer
screen? I’ve now had thirteen such clients, first time each. How will they grade me, and will they come back? It feels
different, less profound if you will, and I am ambivalent about its goodness.
Addendum
I wonder if my
wife feels something similar, about the earth tilting unexpectedly, but I won’t discuss this with her. When I’m busy
and relatively happy and income is in slight excess, she becomes very quiet, seemingly
grim, stares at her iMac most of the time, over-spends. But when income is
modest or scary and troubles encroach (taxes, job stress), she gets
galvanized in constructive ways: will look brighter, will talk more, will clean,
beautify the apartment, manage like a captain as if everything were fine or
better this way, budget and juggle expansively, make lists that get done, light incense.
Have problems on the home front, heal problems on the home front.
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Comments are welcome, but I'd suggest you first read "Feeling-centered therapy" and "Ocean and boat" for a basic introduction to my kind of theory and therapy.