Therapy, and the annals of crime, show that there are boys who grow up with a chip on their shoulder so massive and painful that it presses down upon them, preventing growth, limiting their height, contorting them within themselves – their emotions, ideas, their vision, their heart. The chip – originally the crimes of their parents – exerts such force, with consistent oppression, that it literally stops time, leaving them impacted children. They cannot see people clearly and respectfully because they are completely a fusion of pain and need, always terrified of bleeding out. They see their partner through poisoned – predatory and victimized – eyes because their need is a corpse putrefying and inaccessible, stillborn in their past.
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* I should mention that the wife may also have a personality disorder, and there may be two “tinted lenses” misperceiving each other. The fact that one couple has been together for over twenty years does point to a dual mesh of dysfunction.