Friday, June 25, 2021

Dry humor, or wet seriousness #5: It's for your own good

 

I’ve grown a couple degrees less humble in my old age and old therapy practice. Add to that some deliberate cynicism – I don’t believe any of the explanations clients give when they cancel last-minute – to turn me into a torturer. Lamely coy, they apologize then ask: “Can I reschedule next week?”, while knowing they have a standing weekly appointment. So I suggest they take a different hour that day, or something the following day. There are two reasons for this approach, vindictive and legitimate, the latter being less obvious.

It seems like common sense: People get in a “mood” and don’t want to come in. They are tired or mundanely depressed, or especially unmotivated, or some psychosomatic symptom has flared up. They need a break. My view is that is exactly when they should come in. Vulnerable from sick­ness or lethargy or anomie, clients should drag them­selves to an hour session. That is when they have the best potential to be deep – pre-conscious and unconscious to cut loose primitive-wise, to get into the inner workings of their miser­ableness and emptiness and fear.

Permit me a little sarcasm: “Oh, I see. You want to have a session when you’re feeling OK, and you want to avoid it when you’re not. Do you set up your surgery appointments that way? ‘Burst appendix! Man, I’m feeling bad! I better stay home today!’”

As to the vindictive part: I know I am annoying them as it’s a given that they aren’t going to come in. Guilt-giving: the job of the therapist, who can determine that it’s for a good reason.


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Comments are welcome, but I'd suggest you first read "Feeling-centered therapy" and "Ocean and boat" for a basic introduction to my kind of theory and therapy.