Mini-rant: These hibernated accusations of sexual abuse

The Pessimistic Shrink, hiding behind his wife’s name as a Slate.com commenter, wrote the following:

I don’t disbelieve any of these men or women (the latest accused, as of this minute, may be George Takei), but at the same time, my eyes are rolling. Every week in therapy, I see a couple dozen adults who remain emotionally crippled, in part because they have never held their abusers to account: parents, siblings, uncles, stepfathers, neighbors. Many adults would rather remain cowed, punctured “codependents” than own their anger at a physically or sexually abusive parent. Clearly the celebrities are relatively painless targets of delayed justice, despite the courage it may take to finally open one’s mouth about the abuse. To me, it’s real courage when the woman – ten, twenty or thirty years later – calls her father a pedophile, or condemns her mother for failing to protect her.

My argument’s best raison d’ȇtre is that it was probably these earlier abuses, in childhood and within the home, that created the teenager or adult susceptible, years later, to the wiles and pressures of an entitled bastard. It was these earlier abuses that created a quiet person who could not speak out for decades, who suffered the emotional problems that keep therapists working, that make such a troubled world. There is also the more exotic theory* (clinically evidenced though not by me) that the psychological origins of “stars” – those who need fame, power and the adulation of the masses to build a semblance of ego – is in homes where the child received approval** – for her looks and talents and ability to please – not unconditional love for her simple being.

Let these women and men continue to name their perpetrators, have courage, receive the stage and receive care. But maybe . . . maybe do not keep hidden the earlier, formative abuses and neglects that made you the person you are. To unearth these takes therapy, storm and stress, battle-like courage, not a microphone.

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* and ** – Arthur Janov, The Primal Scream and other books, and Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child and other books, have described the early dynamics and consequences of approval versus love.